Friday, July 17, 2009

Wishing for God.

My sweet, perfect, amazing, incredible boy has been having trouble sleeping for weeks now.
Maybe it's summer.
Maybe it's being 5 and having so much going on.
Maybe it's having such a fun life that it's just too hard to end each day.
Anyway, it's been hard on all of us, but mostly him.
I very distinctly remember being scared as a kid. A lot.
I actually remember being terrified. A lot.
So, I know how he feels.
Jackdaddy and I do every thing we possibly can to help him. We stay up as late as humanly possible; we leave lights on; we all sleep together; we talk about taking control of our dreams; we lay down and then get up; we walk around the house with him in our arms; we tell stories; we sing songs. We do it all.

Sometimes, however, you gotta bring in the big guns.

Last night, Finn said:
"I wish I had a God that would do what I wanted except not when I'm being mean or mad."
I thought he said God, but I could not imagine he'd said God because we don't say God and where would he come up that word, especially in that context?
I asked him to repeat what he said.
Yep, he said God.
What he meant was that he wished he had a God who would do what he wanted it to do, but for it not to do the things he asked for when he was mad or angry.
Jack and I were both dumbfounded.
I was secretly thrilled.
I firmly believe that sometimes you have to reach deeper than the self you can easily access.
It seems that Finny does too.
I asked him what he would ask of his God right now.
He said that he would tell his God to make it morning already.
The prayer of a 5-year-old.
I told him that he does have a God and that his God would never, ever do the things we ask for when we're mad or angry or hurt. Never. I told him that our Gods know exactly what it is we really want and that Gods understand that you don't mean what you say when you're feeling grouchy. I told him that his God knew that he was a wonderful, kind, thoughtful, sweet boy all the time, even when he didn't act that way.
Acting is not being.

I find all of this amazing as I have just started reading, Eat, Pray, Love and am loving it. It's stirring up stuff for me and making me feel that wonderful spiritual high that I sometimes get (and often lose).
So, here I am feeling this kind of Godhigh, and here Finn is calling on his God.
I want him to feel that he has every option available to him - his parents, his friends, his family, himself, the world, God. Sometimes it's just too hard to do it all alone.
I don't know if there is a God outside of ourselves. I'm long past needing to understand it, I just want to feel it. My strong feeling is that God is simply all the joyful and loving energy in the Universe. I believe that the more joyful and loving energy we put out, the bigger God gets.
That's gotta' be good, right?

So, if you pray tonight, please ask that the morning comes soon for FinnigantheCurious because that what he really needs right now.

Michele, Jack and Finnigan the Curious